We have completed our emergency maintenance on the misbehaving SQL server.
As predicted, the server was offline for 20 minutes. By 0320 UTC, most accounts on this server were available. The remaining data was loaded over the next 10 minutes.
Service was fully restored by 0329 UTC (2229 EST). Sure, it looks like I fudged that number to seem cool, but if I've learned anything over the past few days (I have) it's that I'm not cool. Just accurate.
Thank you for bearing with us. If you are experiencing any trouble with your account, please let us know!